Fear.

Everything is fine,

Until you start to think,

There is a sudden lapse in time,

And everything just stops.

Your heart beats so fast,

As you struggle to find breath,

Wondering how long it will last,

And how it’s going to end.

Soon you start to cry,

Even though it has happened before,

You still think you are going to die,

As your chest closes in.

You see the people around you,

And wonder who will care to help,

What are you going to do,

When your world turns black?

You want to cry out loud,

Wishing it to end,

Without a friendly face in the crowd,

You are left to suffer alone.

If Only.

If I could turn back time,

I would go back and say all the things I never did,

If only I’d tried harder.

I didn’t understand all the changes,

You never took the time to explain,

If only you’d tried harder.

Now it has come to this,

The blood has thinned on our paternal bond,

If only we’d both tried harder.

Panic.

Walking down the street,

Your chest feels so tight,

Breathing becomes heavy,

As your head becomes light.

Then it starts to hurt,

And your palms become sweaty,

Confusion clouds your mind,

Not knowing what to do,

Stop or carry on.

The only thing that is certain,

Is you don’t want to be alone,

Your life is unravelling before you,

But who will hold your hand?

Lonely Times

I am standing out here high up on the balcony watching the world go by,

All of those people down there below have a reason to be there,

They all have their own lives to lead whatever they may be.

The rain falling down reflects the tears which I often cry,

Watching over people lead their lives makes me realise just how empty mine is,

Everything I ever had and all the people that I ever loved are now gone.

My whole life is like a black hole,

Every time there is a chance of a rainbow it disappears into the great unknown.

I feel as though my life is spiralling around and around forever searching for the light at the end of the tunnel.

Rage.

It eats away at you deep inside,

Until you want to run and hide,

Because you know that it is going to erupt,

And someone is going to get hurt.

You try to keep some self control,

Finding a way to keep your cool,

But no matter how hard you try,

Your blood starts to boil dry.

Then it explodes,

And there is pain for all concerned,

The rage will have its way,

And a powerful lesson is soon learnt.

You can’t keep it in,

And you can’t let it out,

It doesn’t matter how hard you try,

The rage will always win.

Memories of Lost Summers.

Sometimes I wander alone and lonely along the banks of the brook,

The sun shining down on the cold water below reminds me of how it used to be.

This was the place we came to with our childhood dreams,

It was here that we lived our many adventures.

Together we fought many battles and wars,

And together we watched Atlantis rise up out of the sea.

But now just like our childhood fantasies,

Our friendship has faded away into the distance.

This place that was once full of childish laughter,

Is now just another lonely desert.

The birds still sing sweet and fly among the trees,

But for me this place has long since lost its beauty.

I watch the water disappear over the horizon just as I have done so many times before,

And I wish that they would never stop flowing.

I want these waters to flow forever,

So that I can hold on to my memories,

Of many long and happy summers that used to be.

This Poets' Life

An educated mind,

Is an open mind,

The brain needs knowledge to survive,

And the will to stay alive.

Cappuccino and cartoons,

Bronte and Rossetti,

Poetry and art,

Broaden your mind.

Thoughts, feelings and emotions,

Don’t be afraid to let them show,

You must dive deep within your soul,

Or you will never really know yourself.

Meaningless Existence.

I can’t handle it anymore,

My life has no meaning,

I have no purpose or goals,

It is just a worthless existence.

I need to find what I’m looking for,

To realise my potential,

I have to find the beginning of the path,

That will lead me to my destiny.

I need to find some direction,

Find what my purpose in life is,

I don’t want to feel worthless anymore,

I’d give anything to be able to hold my head up again.

The Wraith.

Seclusion can be a beautiful thing,

Protected from the horrors of the night,

But the young spirit must run free,

A young wanderer is never alone for long.

You hear the horrors of the night,

But do you really see?

The truth behind the screams disturbs you,

Almost as much as the love that dares not speak its name.

The lone warrior searches through the night,

Hoping to find the bird that flew the nest,

The screams echo through his thoughts,

But only he alone can stop them,

And the black sheep will wander home, alone.

I Should Hate You.

I should hate you, but I don’t,

Even though you left without a trace,

Moved on without us,

Let us think that you were dead.

I should hate you, but I don’t,

Even though you ran away,

Chased out by secrets and lies,

Left without a chance to explain.

I should hate you, but I don’t,

Even though you turned us away,

Afraid of the life you left behind,

The sorrow and the pain.

I should hate you, but I don’t,

Because you are here now,

Back where you belong,

Tougher and stronger than you ever were before.

I should hate you, but I don’t,

I could never hate someone like you,

Who gives us strength when we are weak,

And never gives up when times get hard.

I should hate you, but I don’t,

Even though you gave up once before,

But now you have made amends,

And I know that you will never let us down again,

You will keep on fighting until the end.

I know that I should hate you,

But how can I?

When I have nothing to hate you for.

Now is the Time.

Why can’t every day be like today,

When we walked hand in hand,

Strolling along the river,

And resting on the sand.

The hours seem to pass so quickly,

When we are side by side,

If only we could stop time,

Or tell the moon to run and hide.

Now I must wait another week,

Until we are together again,

The nights will be long and lonely,

As I wait for you in vain.

If only there wasn’t this space between us,

And every day could be like today,

Then we could be together all of the time,

And let the days just drift away.

Maybe now is the time,

To make that commitment,

When we both say ‘I do,’

And live together, or repent.

Moving On.

How can I explain why I left?

When I don’t really know myself,

I didn’t want to leave,

But I needed to find a way out.

How many times have I wanted to tell you I’m sorry?

How many times have I wanted to come home?

The truth is more times than you will ever know,

Are you still there yourself?

I never see you when I’m around.

I really want to talk to you,

If only to explain myself,

Things are going well for me,

Is all well with you?

I have moved on now,

But something keeps pulling me back,

Something inside of me just won’t let go,

My dreams keep telling me,

That is where I belong.

Nothing is the same as it was,

And it will never be again,

I can never go back now,

No matter how much I want.

But it would be nice to see you,

And talk to you again,

I miss the talks we used to have,

Wouldn’t it be nice if we could be friends?

I have been away for so long,

Why should you care when I was the one who let you down?

The Way of the Daisy.

Little ears shoot up,

And the nose starts twitching,

She’s off after the cat,

As she darts through the kitchen.

Up on hind legs,

Dancing like crazy,

Always a warm welcome,

She’s so pleased to see me.

Sitting on my shoulder,

Staring out the window,

Waiting for the postman,

Then looking for a cushion to throw.

Daisy is a crazy dog,

As soppy as they come,

Just tickle her belly once,

And she’ll let you take her home.

The Wage Slave.

I never thought I’d be here again,

With shiny new shoes,

And a little badge that says trainee.

Walking through the pouring rain,

Complete with Monday morning blues,

To the place that has enslaved me.

Hours and hours I must train,

In this life I did not choose,

Just to keep a little dignity.

So for now I must contain,

My life within these corporate views,

And walk in the ways of inequity.

The Hole.

How do I get out of this hole,

That I have dug for myself so deep,

I am trying to drag myself out,

But the walls are high and steep.

It all started off so small,

Just a dip in the ground,

But soon it grew and then grew some more,

Until the top could no longer be found.

So I shall continue to dig,

Until I reach the other side,

One day I will leave this dark place,

And still have my dignity and pride.

A Friend Named Jesus.

I have a friend, his name is Jesus,

He walks with me everywhere,

I am never alone, with Jesus by my side.

I have a friend, his name is Jesus,

He keeps me from harm,

I have nothing to fear and nothing can hurt me, with Jesus by my side.

I have a friend, his name is Jesus,

He taught me how to be good,

I am trying to be a good person and to spread the love of Christ,

I know that I can succeed, with Jesus by my side.

I have a friend, his name is Jesus,

He took away my sins,

Through His love I have found forgiveness,

The weight has been lifted from my soul and the darkness has gone,

Now I walk in the light, with Jesus by my side.

The Sun is Shining Today.

The sun is shining today,

I’m sat drinking coffee because I don’t want to go home,

I’m afraid of what I might find when I get there.

The sun is shining today,

But my assignments won’t write themselves,

I want to quit but I know that I will only regret it in the end.

The sun is shining today,

At least work has already ended,

I have nowhere to go to except wherever I want.

The sun is shining today,

But this isn’t the life I want,

I had plans, hopes and dreams,

So why are they so out of reach?

The sun is shining today,

And I am all alone,

No one to call or talk to, always alone,

But at least the sun is shining today.

Karla.

You lived a life of vice,

You knew no better,

But then you paid the price,

When the highs came crashing down.

If your life had been a good one,

And you didn’t do what you did,

What would you have become?

Would you still be the person we know now?

From the terribly bad to the greater good,

Through Christ you turned your life around,

Your final years were spent spreading His message the best you could,

Until you faced your own crucifixion.

Faced with death you didn’t falter from His love,

But you reached out your arms and gave hope to those that needed it,

Of the love that comes from Christ you were the living proof,

The sinner that was saved.

One day I will meet you at the gate,

And I will thank you for my life,

You taught me to love and not hate,

Your love for Jesus has saved us both.

Searching.

Will I find it today,

What I have been searching for?

The end to all my pain,

And that little bit more.

Is this journey made in vain?

A mindless attempt at fate.

It seems a long way to go,

Just to find a soulmate.

But I know I have to try,

Maybe this is where I belong,

And if this little bubble bursts,

Then I know that I must be strong.

I can not take this as the end,

Only the beginning of what's to come,

I know that I will find it some day,

And then I will finally be home.

HELP!

Blood boiling,

Tears burning,

I want out of this place.

The urge to kill,

Becoming too strong,

Desperately trying to save face.

Too many knives,

Too few witnesses,

Time to give up the chase.

The thorn in my side,

Too painful to bare,

Need to make haste.

Turn myself around,

Just walk away,

And get the hell out of this place.

The Commute.

Waiting,

I pace up and down, swearing under my breathe as my hands turn blue.

Still waiting,

Crowds of disgruntled people slowly edge their way towards the front,

They've been waiting an hour and each wants to be first in line.

More swearing and a united sigh, as the green beast goes thundering past

'Not In Service.'

Finally it arrives, thirty seconds before 'the woman in the shoe' who manages to get on first, despite being cursed by the frozen mass behind her.

At last we are off,

Packed in like sardines, no room for health and safety during rush hour.

I turn up my headphones, failing desperately to drown out the small child kicking and screaming behind me.

"Move down please."

Still more people getting on,

Bodies tutting and complaining, squeezed in with squashed toes and banging elbows.

"Move down please."

As they now try to fit a pushchair on an already over-crowded bus.

Children scream at the front,

Laugh and shout at the back,

I'm stuck somewhere in the middle,

Irritated by the heat and noise, as an empty can rolls against my foot.

Traffic crawls and we're going nowhere fast.

Another hour of kicking and screaming before I am free from this hell.

I breathe a sigh of relief to be back in the open air,

Just a temporary interlude,

Until tomorrow when it all begins again.

In The Garden.

Sitting in the garden,

Enjoying being free,

I'm watching the grass grow,

The fish are watching me.

There are clouds up above,

But the sun is shining through,

The birds are in the trees,

All the old ones and the new.

Just sitting doing nothing,

Letting the hours pass,

The fish splash in the pond,

As the dog rolls in the grass.

An Apology

I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry,

I’m sorry that I was rude and bad tempered,

I’m sorry that I did not try harder,

I’m sorry that I could not see you were trying to help,

I’m sorry we can’t be friends,

I’m sorry I don’t see you any more,

I’m sorry that I cannot tell you that I’m sorry.

When The Clouds Roll By.

I remember the old days,

When we used to have fun,

Laughing and joking together,

Soaking up the summer sun.

Then the clouds started to gather,

And the rain came down,

Dampening the fire in our hearts,

Now all you do is frown.

There are dark clouds above our heads,

But I look at you and I sigh,

For I know that the sun will shine for us again,

When the clouds roll by.

Thank You.

I was lost and you found me,

I was alone and you comforted me,

When I was scared you held my hand,

When I had fallen you helped me to stand,

If I needed somebody there was you,

If I got left behind you pulled me through.

Now you are gone but still you are here,

I may not see you but I know that you are near,

I just wanted to say thank you for the love you still send,

Thank you for being a friend.

While Sleeping Dogs Lie.

The sun’s not up yet,

So why am I?

Here I am out and about,

While sleeping dogs still lie.

I see the tired faces,

Of the people who pass me by,

Sipping coffee from their thermal cups,

Wishing they were the sleeping dogs that still lie.

Through the deserted mall,

Voices echo from up high,

The working day has begun,

As sleeping dogs still lie.

So here am I,

One of the early birds that fly,

Out catching this worm called life,

While the sleeping dogs still lie.

The Boy From Indiana

Whoever would have thought that the timeless icon of the screen,

The man who died in his prime,

Was just a boy from Indiana.

Raised on a farm who could have foreseen,

That the moody young man ahead of his time,

Was just a boy from Indiana.

The pin-up idol of every brooding teen,

His love of speed was his only crime,

Just a troubled boy from Indiana.

If I Had A Boat

If I had a boat,

I would roam from town to town,

Leave everything behind and sail away.

If I had a boat,

Nothing would ever get me down,

Because I wouldn’t have to stay.

If I had a boat,

I would my sorrows drown,

Under a blue sky or clouds of grey.

Why

Why is nothing I do ever good enough?

If I jump, it is not high enough,

If I run, it is not fast enough,

What is it that you want from me?

My life to you doesn’t mean a thing,

I asked for one little thing,

But I got nothing,

Don’t tell me you couldn’t be bothered.

I am not going to cry for you anymore,

Won’t make excuses for you no more,

Don’t want anything from you no more,

Just don’t expect anything from me.